Can Season 6 of ‘House Of Cards’ Keep Pace With Political Reality?

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Premiere Recap: You Keep Me Hangin’ On

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Finale Recap: Look What You Made Me Do

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: I Wanna Sex You Up

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: You Give Love A Bad Name

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: The One That Got Away

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi?

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Premiere Recap: Same Old Mistakes

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 8 Recap: Man! I Feel Like A Woman!

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 7 Recap: I’m In Love With A Monster

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 5 Recap: Before He Cheats

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 3 Recap: Miss Independent

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 2 Recap: You Don’t Bring Me Flowers

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 1 Recap: Court and Spark

‘Poldark’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Send My Love to Your New Lover

‘Poldark’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: Oops, There Goes My Shirt

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 5 Recap: No Tears Left To Cry

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‘Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj’ is Raising the Bar for Political Comedy

October 30, 2018, 11:59 am

≫ Next: Young Muslim Writers are Creating New Shows to Fight Old Stereotypes

≪ Previous: ‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 5 Recap: No Tears Left To Cry

I never really thought about Dunk Fatigue until I saw Hasan Minhaj, on his new Netflix show Patriot Act, masterfully working around it.

What is Dunk Fatigue? Well, let us take as a baseline that public life currently is full of people who are pretty easy to dunk on. And let us define “dunk” as a satisfying joke or barrage of jokes mixed with truths, cathartic and merciless, ostentatious and totally sincere, done in front of an audience eager to cheer. Any time you see a headline that says “[SO-AND-SO] DESTROYS [SUCH-AND-SUCH] OVER [TOPIC],” where said destruction takes place in a video you can watch that’s just someone talking, that’s probably a good old dunk.

One of the challenges of a show that involves a lot of dunks, like Last Week Tonight or Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, is that after a while, it can find itself dunking on the same people over the same things. The same target who made things up last week made similar things up this week; the same monstrous and dangerous things kept happening because of the same weakness and cravenness, and how many times can you make the same dunk? (That is not to say either of those shows do this exclusively; only that it’s part of the late-night post-Daily Show format, as it was certainly part of The Daily Show from the beginning.)

Minhaj’s Patriot Act has, on the one hand, a host who is as good a dunker as anyone you will ever see. In his 2017 special Homecoming King, one of the best comedy hours Netflix has released during its time in the business, Minhaj tells a winding story about a girl he knew in high school. Quite unexpectedly, it involves, at one point, his recollection of a moment in which he dunked on this girl so beautifully, and so justly, that once he tells of it, and the audience roars, he has to run a victory lap of sorts across the stage, up and down risers, just to burn off the energy. If Minhaj, himself a Daily Show graduate, just wanted to dunk on people for a half-hour at a time, he could do it. It would probably keep people who like him happy for a while.

But he doesn’t. The show finds him not behind a desk but standing in front of a crowd, just like in stand-up. The show looks filmed rather than videotaped, and Minhaj simply addresses the crowd—yes, a little like a funny Ted Talk—and then the show is over. It could be nothing but great dunks. It just isn’t.

Consider this: In neither of the two episodes released on Sunday, each of which primarily covers one story, does Minhaj focus on the current most dunked-upon public figure we have: the president. While the administration figures in both of the central stories, it dominates neither. That may well change in the future, but for the moment, it demonstrates early that whatever he has to say about the president, Minhaj has a lot of other things on his mind that he wants to talk about.

The first episode is about the current lawsuit against Harvard claiming that its affirmative action policy discriminates against Asian-American students. It’s a complicated topic that Minhaj has a clear position on and a lot of convictions about. What winds up being most interesting, though, is his shifting focus. He does spend a good part of the segment talking about Ed Blum, a white man who has provided support for this lawsuit as well as others — a man the WNYC podcast More Perfect did an episode about in 2016. But Minhaj eventually broadens the scope to be not just about Blum, but about the thorny question of the involvement of Asian-Americans in the lawsuit and the entanglement of the interests of black families, the interests of other families of color, the interests of Blum and his ilk, and other questions. In other words: It’s all well and good to make fun of one guy, but in the end, it’s almost never all about one guy.

The second episode of Patriot Act is about Saudi Arabia’s crown prince Mohammed bin Salman, also called MBS, and the relationship Saudi Arabia has had with the world, and specifically the United States, both before and after the killing of Washington Post contributing columnist Jamal Khashoggi. The segment is one you might only get in quite this way from Minhaj, out of all the similar hosts out there making nightly or weekly shows. He approaches the story in part as an Indian-American Muslim, explaining the centrality of Saudi Arabia—of the holy cities of Mecca and Medina—to his faith. What follows is not just a blistering critique of the reception MBS has sometimes received around the world or a cry of frustration, although it is both. It’s a sophisticated argument that ultimately involves everyone from Oprah to the dog-walking app Wag. (Really.)

What Patriot Act is doing very well in these early episodes is balancing the desire to tell cathartic jokes with the need to think, in a way that incorporates ideas about ethics and morality, about how most stories involve a lot of people and a lot of people’s choices. That’s what makes some of the jokes feel genuinely daring. (It’s sort of funny that out of all the potentially “oooooooh”-worthy jokes, the first to get a real “ooooooh” out of the audience is a dig at UC Santa Cruz.)

Patriot Act feels a lot like Minhaj’s comedy: So far, there are no taped pieces or correspondents. There is him, on a stage, walking around, with some visual aids projected behind him, quite like the setup of his comedy special. His arrival in this space feels emphatic, welcome and exciting. He is a charismatic, undeniably cool, young comic who talks about being Muslim, about being raised by immigrant parents, about racism he’s faced and about what he thinks is right and wrong, in clear and sometimes startlingly earnest terms. He’s a star; that’s been clear at least since Homecoming King. But out of the gate, he’s a star who has also decided to make a good show.

Patriot Act is now streaming its first two episodes on Netflix. New episodes will be available on Sundays.

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Young Muslim Writers are Creating New Shows to Fight Old Stereotypes

October 31, 2018, 12:40 pm

≫ Next: ‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: Mo Money Mo Problems

≪ Previous: ‘Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj’ is Raising the Bar for Political Comedy

On the last day of taping for a new 10-part Web series called East of La Brea, the cameras are set up at a local mosque for a scene about a 20-something black Muslim woman who’s praying. Suddenly her phone rings and the quiet space fills with raucous and racy lyrics from a pop song. Around her, older women shoot her shady stares.

This show is one example of what appears to be a shift in Hollywood. On TV and on online streaming services, Hollywood watchers say more Muslim characters than ever before are showing up in sitcoms and dramas. The characters they portray are more nuanced and more complicated than usual. In part, that’s because many Muslims themselves are writing these shows and characters.

East of La Brea is a show about being in your 20s and figuring out life against the gentrifying backdrop of Los Angeles, told through two main characters, roommates who are Muslim. But that’s not the entirety of the women’s storylines, says Sameer Gardezi, a Pakistani-American screenwriter and the creator of the show.

“I really feel like when people watch this it’s going to feel like [it is] an LA story,” Gardezi says. “Being Muslim is part of them, we don’t ignore that, but at the same time their problems aren’t necessarily faith based; they are based on other aspects that I feel are more relevant to what it means to lead an American life.”

Things like paying rent, feeling lost in a dead-end job and dealing with addiction in a family.

The Web series is the first project from Powderkeg, the digital media company founded by director, writer and actor Paul Feig, known for directing films like Bridesmaids and creating the show Freaks and Geeks. The company was founded to uplift underrepresented voices.

East of La Brea follows the friendship of two Muslim women of color, one black and one Bangladeshi-American. It was created with a grant from Pop Culture Collaborative, an organization whose goal is to boost authentic stories about minority communities, and in collaboration with the Muslim Anti-Racism Collaborative. The production is being partially funded by Lyft Entertainment and the Chicago-based Pillars Fund, a fund to bolster American Muslim voices.

On the set of 'East of La Brea' at the Islamic Center of Southern California. The Web series, which focuses on two Muslim-American women, is one of a new crop of shows featuring Muslim characters. — On the set of ‘East of La Brea’ at the Islamic Center of Southern California. The Web series, which focuses on two Muslim-American women, is one of a new crop of shows featuring Muslim characters. (Leila Fadel/NPR)

It’s one of several projects by and about Muslims that are in the pipeline or have recently debuted in the entertainment industry. But Gardezi says this story is just one American Muslim story.

“There are so many different versions and my hope would be that everyone gets a shot at telling their version,” he said. “So it doesn’t feel like oh, this is the one Muslim show that needs to make it.”

Communities of color and minorities in Hollywood feel that that is often the way it happens: They get one shot to show that their characters are marketable, one shot to reflect the entirety of incredibly diverse and complicated communities. Gardezi says it’s impossible to do that with one show.

The Trump presidency inspired new Muslim content

But Muslims are embracing the moment. Right now, there’s an appetite for content including or about their communities in part it is because Muslim writers like Gardezi, who has written for Modern Family and Outsourced, are creating their own content. But a lot of the interest is because the entertainment industry itself is reacting to anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant sentiment from Donald Trump.

When Trump announced his candidacy in 2015, followed months later by a call for a “complete and total shutdown” of Muslims entering the country, the Hollywood bureau at the Muslim Public Affairs Council, MPAC, got a lot more popular.

“The phones were ringing off the hook,” said Sue Obeidi, the Hollywood Bureau director.

She consults with studios, production companies and writers to help them create more authentic Muslim characters.

“We’re up against decades of storytelling that is inaccurate many times, that is racist often and very stereotypical,” she said.

Among the tropes, she said, are portrayals of women as chattel, who don’t have identities, or Muslims portrayed only as gas station owners, taxi drivers or violent villains.

Obeidi says it’s an uphill battle, but things are changing. She starts to list the number of characters on mainstream shows on a white board.

“A Muslim surgeon on Grey’s Anatomy; a superhero on DC’s Legends of Tomorrow; an LGBTQ hijabi Muslim (she said Hijabi which is an adjective, Hijab is the article of clothing, Hijabi is used to describe someone who wears the Hijab) on The Bold Type; a pork-loving, alcohol- drinking Muslim on Master of None.”

When writers come to her for advice, Obeidi reminds them that these Muslim characters might be the only Muslims some people ever meet. She tries to help them get the language right, for example in scripts that use the term Allahu akbar, which means God is great in Arabic, the language of the Qu’ran.

“You’ve seen many TV and film projects that have Allahu akbar being used in very violent scenes,” she said.

She negotiates to try to get writers to take it out or offset it with happy scenes like using the term Allahu akbar at a wedding or a dinner party. Because for Muslims it’s a beautiful phrase portrayed as ugly. And the impact can have profound ramifications in real life.

“So someone hears Allahu akbar when they’re dining out and all of a sudden you know they’re calling 911 because they think a family is doing something bad,” she said. “When all they’re saying is God is great.”

A lack of diversity in Hollywood and other places means the clichés and the distortions can prevail. Despite progress, Hollywood still struggles with reflecting a more and more diverse America. The Hollywood Diversity Report, released by UCLA in 2018, shows people of color still lag in all key jobs in the industry, from leading roles to creators of content.

That’s why this moment feels like a turning point for Muslims, Obeidi and others say.

Not every project is incredible material. Many positive Muslim characters fall into two camps that a lot of Muslims find frustrating: one, the Muslim hero fighting terror; the other, the confused Muslim who abandons his culture for a secular life. Both are storylines unrecognizable to a lot of Muslims.

That’s why the content in the pipeline today, being written by and about Muslims for large audiences, is so anticipated. There’s Hassan Minhaj’s weekly comedy show on Netflix that begins this month; an autobiographical sitcom for ABC being developed by Maysoon Zayid, a Palestinian-American comic with cerebral palsy; and a new sitcom called Ramy on Hulu, developed by Ramy Youssef, who is following in the path of iconic comics who came before him turning standup into a sitcom like Seinfeld.

Islam is suddenly cool

On a recent night at the Hollywood Improv, Youssef is headlining, joking about all the things that make him who he is: a millennial, a practicing Muslim trying to be good, an American, the son of Egyptian immigrants.

He also jokes about how, in LA, suddenly people think Islam is cool. “I was at a juice shop. I was talking to this woman telling her about Ramadan, she works there. She was like, ‘oh My God that’s sounds so amazing. I’m gonna do it this weekend.’ She said it like it was Coachella.”

After his standup performance he talks about how he and his friends joke about approaching religion like a menu. Ramy doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs but he does have premarital sex. That’s his arbitrary line, he says.

“We call it Allah cart. We’re kind of just picking and choosing like ‘Well, this is my deal with God,’ ” he said.

He hopes Ramy demonstrates how all kinds of people have their deal with God.

“In my standup I like to get dark, I like to get weird, I like to get uncomfortable,” he said. “I feel like when an immigrant family or when a family that is maybe a group that’s not well represented, when people try and put them on television, they go out of their way to make them look amazing and look perfect.”

His show won’t do that.

“I just was really excited about the idea of making Muslims look imperfect,” he said. “Not create something that was some P.R. thing, but create something that was, you know, really just a realistic portrayal of what we go through, how we are.”

Sameer Gardezi, the East of La Brea writer, says he doesn’t think that any one show can be the breakout moment for Muslims, when the communities are so diverse, nuanced and different from person to person, from place to place.

“That is the flexibility and the privilege that I think white communities have is that they’re allowed to fail in Hollywood and no one really bats an eye,” he said. A new project will still be funded.

“So that’s the point that we have to get to,” Gardezi said.

↧

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: Mo Money Mo Problems

November 4, 2018, 7:04 pm

≫ Next: No, Athletes Will Not ‘Shut Up And Dribble’—And They Never Have

≪ Previous: Young Muslim Writers are Creating New Shows to Fight Old Stereotypes

In the previous episode of Poldark, a candlestick, a spooked horse, a few trees and karma joined forces to murder Gross Goblin (*blasts Etta James’ “At Last”*).

In a single episode, the experience of watching this show went from this:

To this:

Will an inanimate object do us a solid and kill off another evil character this week? Only one way to find out! On with the show!

Woah, that was fast! Another evildoer has croaked! Way to go, Lumiere!

Alas, the deceased is just some random banker dude who embezzled other people’s money. This brings us to this week’s edition of Malfoy Has A New Evil Plan To Get Even With Ross For Being Hotter Than He Is.

The bank in question is where all of Ross’ life savings are, so if Malfoy can bully the town into withdrawing all of their funds, the bank will go under, taking all the Poldark coins with it and jeopardizing the mine and all of its employees. Malfoy borrows a bon mot from Marie Antoinette and puts his own spin on it:

I’m a pacifist, but my fist naturally clenches every time I see Malfoy’s face. It’s just begging for a punch.

Speaking of Malfoy’s face, Elizabeth walks in while he’s plotting and says, “You have a particular expression when you’re conspiring against Ross.”

It’s true.

It looks like a cross between this:

And this:

Across town, someone tells Demelza about Not So Dearly Departed Embezzler’s death. Her reaction is so brutal that it could kill the man all over again:

But Demelza soon learns what this particular rando’s death might mean for the family’s financial future.

Ominous music plays while Drake floats face down in the ocean. He might be dead.

But let’s focus on the important thing first:

He’s shirtless.

Okay, now that that requisite half-naked gif is out of the way, let’s get back to the whole is-Drake-dead thing. Turns out he’s alive and just being really dramatic. These days, we process a difficult breakup by posting something passive-aggressive on social media and/or crying while singing an Adele ballad at karaoke. I guess, back then, the only way to deal with heartbreak was pretending you’ve drowned to death.

So Drake lives to see another day (which will likely involve someone trying to arrest him, murder him, dump him or all of the above). My career advice: Turn lemons into lemonade by producing a sensitive rap album all about his hardships and emo feelings, just like his 21st-century namesake.

As an apology for making us think Drake was dead for 3 seconds, the Poldark writers whip up a serving of their signature special: a scene involving a wet half-naked man.

Sam ignores the sinfulness of Drake’s naked nipples and begs Drake to leave the barn ashes behind and move in with him. Drake refuses and shares this little heart-stabbing nugget: “Morwenna is dead to me.”

Drake plans to enlist in the military or get into some other calamitous situation that’ll keep Drakenna / Morwennake apart for another few episodes. Can y’all just hand over the happy ending we rightfully deserve? I’m tired!

Also, has Drake forgotten what happens when you go to war in the 18th century? You end up with:

A scar on your face (not everyone can pull it off like Ross)
A case of PTSD (Doc no longer has the ability to appreciate when Blondie sneaks up on him and screams “BOO!” in his ear)
A blow to your eyesight that will make it especially hard to write horny poetry by candlelight for your friend’s wife (I miss you, Prison Bestie, and can’t wait to see you on the Game of Thrones prequel!).

Point is: STAY HOME, DRAKE.

Speaking of the actors’ real lives, how come none of you told me Mrs. Pigpen a.k.a. Prudie looks this cute IRL?

(And yes, that’s Aidan Turner biting her face. Some people have all the luck.)

Anyway, back to the show…

Across town, Elizabeth suddenly gets winded and has to sit down for no apparent reason. Is she going to die?!

My official response:

*abruptly stops my evil celebratory laughter* Hold on a second. Elizabeth has a flashback of Ross advising her to get pregnant and lie about the dates so Malfoy will think premies are her thing and that Valentine is truly their kid. So I guess she’s not dying and just hiding a pregnancy then.

Speaking of disappointing developments, Morwenna has been experiencing palpitations and nausea. Please don’t tell me she’s carrying another mini Gross Goblin. I can’t take much more of this!

In London, Ross attends yet another rave featuring the same old staples: pyrotechnics, cool IKEA lanterns and Geoffrey Charles’ puking in a corner. Thankfully, we are spared a close-up of the chunks this time, but we do get to see him drool out the excess saliva that lets you know all those Goldfish crackers you ate earlier are about to swim back up very soon.

A few days later, Ross convinces Geoffrey Charles to come back to Cornwall and sober up. Geoffrey Charles asks Ross, “Why could you not have been my stepfather?” Ross is too polite to say: Umm, because your mom got with my first cousin while I was trying to survive a war. Then got with my worst enemy. Oh, and she killed one of my kids with her germs. That’s why!

Meanwhile, Demelza is busy trying to single-handedly save the bank. A mob has gathered outside of its doors, wanting to withdraw all their money. Demelza convinces them to cool their jets by essentially filming a Suze Orman infomercial about how important it is to invest. The villagers and I are buying what she’s selling.

Across town, Drake dramatically walks up a hill and runs into… Rosina.

Can we not? I thought the animated gifs I made last week made my position on force-feeding us this character abundantly clear!

Rosina tells Drake that, if she can handle everyone gossiping about how she was dumped on her wedding day, he can handle sticking around Cornwall and not moving away forever.

Okay, fine. Rosina is right. She still bugs me though. #TeamDrakenna/Morwennake4ever!

Good news! Demelza’s Suze Orman impression saved the bank!

Bad news! Malfoy finds out and figures out another way to shut down the bank!

Malfoy rushes home to tell Elizabeth all about how he just robbed Ross of his life savings. Cut to Ross dropping Geoffrey Charles’ drunk ass off at Malfoy’s house and Elizabeth asking him to stay a while. Oooh, this is going to be good. Here’s hoping whatever happens involves Ross putting Malfoy’s head into a lit fireplace again!

Stop everything!

The one!

The only!

Horace has returned!

Oh, and Blondie is back too!

Doc and Blondie share a sweet moment, but I can’t stop laughing at Horace’s lil photobombing butt.

Back at Liz’s house, Elizabeth tells Ross she suspects Malfoy is scheming again.

Ross: “Against me? Never!”

Elizabeth: “It’s his way. I’ve grown used to it. I’m content.”

Um, okay, glad you’re content with Malfoy continuously trying to ruin lives.

Valentine runs in and Ross finally meets his secret love child for the first time. Ross shakes his little hand and says, “Happy to make your acquaintance, sir.” Maybe it’s leftover Baby Sara feels, but I’m oddly touched!

As he’s being led out of the room by his nanny, Valentine stops, turns and waves goodbye to Ross, who salutes. I feel a tear coming. You get back in that tear duct! This show has wrung out too many emotions out of me! I’m dehydrated!

But here it comes anyway.

Just as Ross’ carriage pulls away, Malfoy rides up to the house. Elizabeth looks like she just passed several kidney stones.

But, being the master of deception that she is, Elizabeth quickly recovers and leads Malfoy to believe that the carriage has just dropped off Geoffrey Charles. Guess I didn’t need that popcorn after all.

Over at chez Poldark, Demelza is freaking out about her Suze Orman plan not working. Ross shows up to say he doesn’t really care about all this bank business that much. Ok, great! Does this mean we get a new storyline I actually care about?

Apparently not. Ross spends an entire day, going door to door, trying to convince rich dudes to save the bank. They all laugh in his face before diving into their pools full of gold coins.

Ross returns home with his tail between his legs and asks Demelza for advice.

Ross: “What’s your opinion?”

Demelza: “Mine??”

Ross: “We’re partners, are we not?”

Way to show everyone that men can be feminists too, Ross!

The next evening, Demelza decides to throw a Let’s-get-tanked-instead-of-thinking-about-how-I-can’t-pay-y’all! kegger for the mine employees.

Everyone is in great spirits. Except for me. Because this keeps happening.

Thankfully, Sam distracts Drake with some good advice: Hey, you’re already looking at eternal damnation for kissing Morwenna last year. Might as well go to her house one last time and try to be with her.

Right on!

The following day, everyone attends the grand opening of a new hospital. How thrilling.

At the reception, Ross has a bit too much to drink and calls Malfoy out for being a sniveling little you-know-what. Malfoy calls him a storm in a teacup. And the award for cutest insult in a dick-measuring contest goes to….!

Things escalate. Ross screams “You lie!” and yoinks Malfoy’s frilly blouse.

Put his head in the fireplace, Ross! Kill him!

Ugh. Before he gets the chance, Elizabeth passes out.

I could see this becoming a new dance craze. Do the bobblehead!

Later that day, Drake follows Sam’s advice and shows up at Morwenna’s house. He lays it all on the line: “I love ye still. And so I ask one final time, Will ye not take me? ‘Tis no sin to love me. Can you not see that there be hope?”

Morwenna takes my Hope poster and promptly rips it to shreds. “I did think so once, but now… Please go and never return. I’m with child.”

This is complete and utter BS! Now I have to cancel my merchandise line. How am I going to get rich now??

Over at Horace’s house, Blondie tells Doc that Cornwall is boring as hell and invites him to come to London with her this time. Everyone should get the chance to watch Geoffrey Charles puke on a fancy rug!

The boring bank storyline comes to an end with Ross and his Bankrupt Banker Bestie becoming partners in a more prestigious bank. Nice try, Malfoy. So close, yet so far away.

One of the perks of Ross’ new role as a banker is that he gets free fancy carriage rides to wherever he’d like. Because this episode’s theme is no longer ignoring your spouse, Ross invites Demelza to London for the first time. They’re going to party like it’s 1799! Get ready, Puke Cleaner-Upper!

In a less happy household, Malfoy wants the doctor who routinely tortures his patients with leeches to treat Elizabeth. Because blood-sucking worms don’t go with her outfit, Liz comes clean about being pregnant. Oh, so she’s not dying then? Hmm. Maybe next time.

The next morning, Demelza wakes up naked in London. And it isn’t long before she and Ross are role-playing on the ground.

Demelza: “No, you can’t have me!”

Ross: “Oh, yes I can! You’re my prisoner! My present to be unwrapped at leisure.”

Their 50 Shades of Grey(-Powdered Wigs) playtime is interrupted by a knock at the door.

Ross yells that they’ll be down in an hour.

“…or two.”

Daaaamn.

End scene!

After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:

PIECE OF COAL: Elizabeth. If she hadn’t married off Morwenna to a toe-gobbling rapist, Drakenna would be thriving and I would be busy counting my merch line money. I hope her baby is ugly.

HONORABLE MENTION: The London Hotel Maid. For having to clean up the floorboards after Ross and Demelza are done.

BRONZE: Geoffrey Charles’ Liver. Hang in there, buddy.

SILVER: Horace’s Little Photo-Bombing Butt. The best in the biz!

GOLD: Valentine. He’s going to need something shiny to play with while he’s in therapy for the rest of his life.

Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on Poldark or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty, listen to my podcast The Cooler, or read all my other Poldark recaps below!

More recaps:

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Premiere Recap: You Keep Me Hangin’ On

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Finale Recap: Look What You Made Me Do

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: I Wanna Sex You Up

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: You Give Love A Bad Name

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: The One That Got Away

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi?

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Premiere Recap: Same Old Mistakes

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 8 Recap: Man! I Feel Like A Woman!

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 7 Recap: I’m In Love With A Monster

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 5 Recap: Before He Cheats

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 3 Recap: Miss Independent

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 2 Recap: You Don’t Bring Me Flowers

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 1 Recap: Court and Spark

‘Poldark’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Send My Love to Your New Lover

‘Poldark’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: Oops, There Goes My Shirt

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: Mo Money Mo Problems

↧

No, Athletes Will Not ‘Shut Up And Dribble’—And They Never Have

November 5, 2018, 12:17 pm

≫ Next: ‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 7 Recap: London Calling

≪ Previous: ‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: Mo Money Mo Problems

The new documentary series Shut Up and Dribble, which premiered the first of its three parts this weekend on Showtime, is a response to commentator Laura Ingraham’s dismissive February 2018 sneer in the direction of LeBron James, one of the series’ executive producers. Don’t take my word for it that it’s a direct response: watch the opening sequence in which Ingraham, disgusted by James and other black athletes speaking out against President Donald Trump, says that nobody elected them, nobody wants to hear from them, and they should, yes, just “shut up and dribble.”

The idea that athletes—or actors, or writers—shouldn’t be politically active in the public sphere is surprisingly widely held. The point of the series is to demonstrate that in the case of black athletes, holding the game at a distance from the society in which it’s played is not only contrary to history but impossible. And, perhaps, that it would be irresponsible.

Narrated by writer Jemele Hill and directed by Gotham Chopra, Shut Up And Dribble uses its first installment to chronicle several of professional basketball’s early standouts who collided with the wider world in different ways: Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Oscar Robertson, and Isaiah Thomas. It follows the NBA through a period in the 1970s when some worried that the increasing number of black players was alienating white audiences—a crisis the end of which it credits to the hugely popular rivalry between Magic Johnson and Larry Bird. To that picture, Shut Up and Dribble adds the story of the Detroit Pistons and of Thomas, whose comments on how racism influenced the perception of Bird became very controversial, to the point where the broader observation he was making—about who is considered simply a “natural talent” and who is considered a “smart player”—was lost.

People who have watched a lot of NBA documentaries, or who have watched projects like O.J.: Made in America that try to look at the intersection of sports and the world at large, will know a good number of these stories, maybe including the stories of Russell and Robertson, and how Bird was called “the great white hope” whether he wanted to be or not, and how his rivalry with Johnson had—as one commentator wildly understates it—a “tinge” of racial dynamics in it. But there are good segments in the first installment that might be less familiar about the way the ABA and the NBA presented basketball very differently, the way labor issues among players were (and are) inextricably linked to race, and the way Abdul-Jabbar—now a columnist, a comic book writer, and a writer on the upcoming revival of Veronica Mars—decided to decline to try out for the 1968 Olympics.

Oscar Robertson is one of the athletes interviewed for ‘Shut Up and Dribble’. (Showtime)

The next two installments follow the NBA through later phases, up to the present. They consider the era of Michael Jordan and the explosion of endorsement deals—which, the film’s interviewees suggest, tamped down public discussions of politics as protection of each athlete’s personal brand became critical. They examine the career of Allen Iverson, whose path to the NBA—and his clothes and hair and tattoos and connections to hip-hop—made him a beloved figure to a lot of fans who perhaps didn’t relate to Michael Jordan or Magic Johnson.

Critically, the series at one point turns its attention to the 2004 Pacers-Pistons fight—the one that spilled into the stands—that led to long suspensions, including for Metta World Peace (who then went by Ron Artest). It’s a necessary chapter in part because it’s impossible to consider the public activism, and the significance of public activism, of black athletes without recalling how easily after this incident commentators slipped into calling players “thugs,” and how that fight seemed to surface ugly attitudes about players that had been simmering in sports media and in the NBA itself. Again, players have never had the option of shutting up and dribbling; they, like everyone, live and work in a particular social context. And it’s a context in which racism affects the way they’re talked about, the way they’re treated, and the way their behavior is received.

And yes, we eventually reach the Obama years, and then the 2016 election. We reach Trayvon Martin and Eric Garner, and we learn that LeBron James’ decision to go to the Miami Heat—not the ill-advised TV special, but the choice itself—may have affected the power balance between players and owners in a way that’s made activism for players safer. That, of course, goes back to Oscar Robertson’s fight for free agency chronicled in the first episode, too.

This is what good documentaries do: they provide an overview, but they also make interesting connections between specific pieces of the story. While it’s about activism and racism, much of this series is about power. Power accumulated by players, whether it’s the economic power of endorsements or the bargaining power of free agency, directly enables them to use their platforms without worrying that they’ll be, for instance, let go from their teams and unable to get new jobs because a political stand they consider crucial proves to be unpopular, or makes them targets. An unspoken thesis of the series is that the concept of athletes not belonging in politics is about discomfort with, and resentment of, that considerable power.

It’s a strange idea, this expectation that players must entertain and not speak. The NBA is a business that makes ridiculous money for mostly white owners from the work of many black athletes. It’s fed by the NCAA, which makes ridiculous money for schools from the work of many black athletes. It’s covered by a disproportionately white sports media, and it’s regulated by a mostly white political system. Shut Up and Dribble is a good exploration of all the ways that black athletes couldn’t remain apart from racism or politics even if they wanted to—which, as it happens, many of them don’t.

↧

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 7 Recap: London Calling

November 11, 2018, 2:26 pm

≫ Next: On ‘SNL,’ Lil Wayne and Future Address Consent

≪ Previous: No, Athletes Will Not ‘Shut Up And Dribble’—And They Never Have

In the previous episode of Poldark, Elizabeth and Morwenna both realized they were carrying demonic embryos. Will they pose for an OMG-we’re-both-preggers-at-the-same-time photoshoot like Khloe Kardashian and Kylie Jenner?

Only one way to find out! On with the show!

We pick up right where we left off: with Ross and Demelza mid-coitus on the floor of their London sex den. They take turns spitting strawberries into each other’s mouths.

Is there anything that could ruin the sexual healing mood?

Yes, there is, and it’s this line from Demelza:

“Do you wish the children were here?”

Ross is like, Um, not so much! My twig and berries are literally out right now. The fact that we leave the kids at home all the time and ignore them when we’re actually around is enough fodder for their future therapy sessions, let’s not add witnessing their parents boink to the list.

Demelza continues to, um, deflate the situation, with this line: “Well, at this rate, we’ll be soon adding to their number.”

No more pregnancies!

This isn’t PBS’ Victoria!

Just have filthy floorboard sex and let that be enough!

Swim slower, Ross’ sperm!

Be more standoffish, Demelza’s ovaries!

Across town, Malfoy shows off the new mansion he bought with blood money and announces he will host a masked ball so that Geoffrey Charles and all the other rich Londoners have another opportunity to puke all over the place.

Elizabeth tries to slow his roll a little bit: “My dear, recollect how many times your invitations have not found the favor they deserve.”

Translation: You are a social pariah and absolutely no one wants to willingly party with you.

Malfoy agrees that everyone hates his guts, but adds he plans to make it a charity event so everyone shows up out of pity.

The entire time this conversation is happening, poor little Valentine is in the corner silently playing on a huge rocking horse. #OnlyChildProblems

Compare and contrast:

At a daytime rave, Demelza is delighted by all the razzmatazz London has to offer. Somehow, she doesn’t notice the best and cutest guest at the party:

I want to know this monkey’s name and what she’s munching on and what her favorite color is! (If I had to guess I’d say Curious Georgina, watermelon Bubblicious gum and aquamarine.)

Moments later, Horace the Pug catches me checking out a cute Poldark animal that isn’t him. My bad! Behold the one and only king of my heart:

Such a heartthrob! What monkey?

Back at Ross and Demelza’s sex den, Demelza says she’s tuckered out from all the sight-seeing and is going to take a nap. Ross seductively asks, “What if I have other plans for you?” They proceed to have sex for the 392nd time this week. I hope they tip the hotel maid a pretty penny (pence?) for having to scrub down every surface after they check out. Also, as I said before, PLEASE NO MORE BABIES. JUST SAY NO!

Back in Cornwall, Drake takes a look at the new barn he’s moving into. This one is somehow sadder than the last. Sam offers to help him renovate it. I smell an HGTV spinoff!

Over on Toe Jam Lane, Gross Goblin Mama stands a mere three paces away from Morwenna as she tells a doctor about her plan to lock Morwenna up in a loony bin the second she gives birth to the Anti-Christ. Have you ever seen a face express the feeling of FML this strongly?

Gross Goblin Mama goes on to tell Morwenna that she better have a boy because “girls are of use to no one.” Where’s Feminist Ross when you need him?

We immediately get our answer. He’s at the masked ball! Sir Scam-A-Lot is also in attendance. And he has the hots for Demelza.

Sir Scam-A-Lot: “The hair is a touch provincial, but the rest is good.”

Malfoy: “Doubtless, she’s been dressed in London.”

Sir Scam-A-Lot: “Then she must be undressed in London.”

Oh, don’t you worry. She has. Countless times. All over that hotel room.

Malfoy eggs Sir Scam-A-Lot on in his attempt to seduce Demelza. His pickup line could use some work:

His next pickup strategy—loudly licking his fingers, making way too much eye contact and showing off coat buttons that contain the hair of men he’s murdered in duels—isn’t much better.

Then, he looks at Ross and his friend who’s a girl and says, “Delicious body.” Demelza assumes he’s talking about Ross because… well, you’ve seen the shirtless scything and swimming gifs. Sir Scam-A-Lot clarifies he’s objectifying his friend, “though I venture Poldark’s has much to recommend it.” Damn right it does!

This attempted mating ritual gets more awkward (and more lizardy) by the second:

Eventually, Sir Scam-A-Lot just comes out and says it. Hey, girl, when can we be alone? I’m interested in date-raping you. Thankfully, Ross, Blondie and Doc show up to diffuse the situation. But that doesn’t stop Sir Scam-A-Lot and Malfoy from betting on whether he can have sex with Demelza by the end of the week.

Ugh, if this episode ends in sexual violence, I am grabbing a pitchfork and marching right up to Masterpiece Theater Headquarters!

*looks up where that actually is, discovers it’s all the way in Virginia*

Okay, fine, I’ll email them a pitchfork selfie.

The next day, Malfoy is annoyed that he can’t bulldoze a poor neighborhood without consequences. Elizabeth offers up a sneakier way to displace all the poor people. Her one-way ticket to hell just got upgraded to first-class.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Valentine is still rocking on that horse silently in the background.

At yet another party, Sir Scam-A-Lot continues to harass Demelza. His one-liners are somehow getting grosser: “You have an agile tongue, which I shall know what to do with, in due course.” Ross has knocked dudes out for way less, so what’s the hold up here?

Later that night, Ross and Demelza are not having sex for once. Instead, they’re arguing over Demelza not doing enough to spurn Sir Scam-A-Lot. What’s next, Ross? Her dress was too short? She was asking for it? Don’t make me rescind my Feminist Ross animated gif!

Back at Blood Money Mansion, Malfoy brags about blackmailing someone for their vote in Parliament. Elizabeth proudly tells Valentine how clever his fake dad is, but Val is too busy playing solitaire (no, really, that’s not a joke) to respond.

The next day, Demelza confides in Doc and Blondie about Ross’ jealousy. The gang is too distracted by dumb drama to recognize Curious Georgina’s cuteness. Literally everyone else is rubber-necking to gaze at the adorable legend.

When Demelza returns to her hotel room, Sir Scam-A-Lot is creepily waiting. He goes from zero to date rapist in no time at all, blocking the exit and saying gross things like, “Tell me. Do you cry out when a man takes you?” Demelza, grab a candlestick! It’s the murder weapon du ~~jour~~ Season 4 after all!

Demelza has a better idea. Apparently, that white knob rings the innkeeper!

On his way out, Sir Scam-A-Lot keeps flapping his gums.

Sir Scam-A-Lot: “May I wait on you some other time?”

Demelza: Probably won’t ever be in the mood to be raped, so no.

Sir Scam-A-Lot: “I see. It’s not me you’re afraid of but your husband! Does he beat you?”

Demelza: “Frequently.”

Well played, Demelza!

When Ross returns home, he’s more concerned with what Demelza did to encourage Sir Scam-A-Lot than what Sir Scam-A-Lot attempted to do. Consider the Feminist Ross gif rescinded! WTF. Read a book, dude!

Knowing that he needs to start getting back in my good graces, the next day in Parliament, Ross physically accosts Sir Scam-A-Lot for sitting on his gloves and generally being a prick!

On a different note, can we all pitch in to buy this dude a decent lace-front wig? He clearly needs our help.

Speaking of hair, Sir Scam-A-Lot wants to murder Ross and make a button out of his curls, so he invites him to a duel. Despite not being a very good shot, Ross agrees because last week’s episode was kind of a snooze. They take their paces, fire and both take a hit! Sir Scam-A-Lot nips Ross in the arm. Ross gets him right in the groin. (Nice one, Ross! A few inches over would have been even better!)

Ross rushes over to help, but Sir Scam-A-Lot isn’t very gracious about the whole thing: “I wish I shot your head off. Damn and blast you to all eternity.” Then, he passes out. Perhaps forever?

My eulogy for him:

Back at the hotel, Doc pokes into Ross’ open wound, which almost causes Demelza to pull a Geoffrey Charles all over the floor:

There’s a knock at the door!

Duels are illegal so it might be the police!

Oh, it’s just a letter…

…saying that Sir Scam-A-Lot croaked!

Back in Cornwall, Morwenna has a miscarriage. I feel very ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ over this turn of events, as does Morwenna.

Gross Goblin Mama: “The doctor believes you have suffered greatly since your miscarriage.”

Morwenna: “He’s mistaken. I believe it was for the best.”

Across town, Drake is working in his new barn when Morwenna shows up!

She explains why she keeps shunning him: she can’t bear to be touched or kissed or anything else ’cause it’ll trigger her PTSD and make her think of being raped by Gross Goblin for years. Then she runs off.

Meanwhile, over at Blood Money Mansion, while Valentine silently plays with an abacus (LOL), Malfoy tries to think of a way to expose the duel and hopefully get Ross hanged or something. He runs and snitches to the Attorney General, but the AG’s response is basically, Get a life, loser.

The following day, while Valentine again rocks on the horse by himself, Geoffrey Charles serves his function as a mere plot device by bursting in out of nowhere and blurting out how much Valentine looks like Ross. Elizabeth and Malfoy both make this face:

Across town, Blondie and Doc have an entire Horace-centric conversation about their relationship:

Blondie: “Poor Horace wonders why he must be abandoned.”

Doc: “Poor Horace knows that I’ve already stayed longer than intended.”

Blondie: “Horace wonders why Doc can’t find it in his heart to love London as he does.”

Doc: “Horace knows that he and I are different breeds. Perhaps Horace will return to Cornwall sooner than he thought.”

Blondie: “Perhaps he will.”

From now on, Horace is my preferred pronoun. Horace wonders why all episodes can’t be about Horace. Horace can’t believe there’s only one episode left in the season. Horace wonders if you all will come back and read Victoria recaps even though there are no cute pugs in that show. Horace is going to get on with the rest of the recap now.

On the party grounds, Curious Georgina is nowhere to be found, but the other usual suspects are in attendance. Malfoy stomps past Ross, which reminds Ross that, for some reason, he has to pay Sir Scam-A-Lot’s I-bet-I-can-rape-Demelza wager to Malfoy. Things quickly get out of hand:

I didn’t think anything could top the fight when Malfoy almost gouged Ross’ eyes out or the fight when Ross almost roasted Malfoy’s entire head in a roaring fireplace, but using someone’s face as a coin slot comes pretty close!

Elizabeth says, “I cannot imagine…!” Girl, quit lying. You know exactly the kind of person you’re married to. Heck, you help him enact evil pretty much every episode! And you know exactly why he’s pissed, so let’s skip the act.

The next morning, Ross wakes to find a letter from Demelza. It goes a little something like this:

Oh, hey.

I’m going home. Feeding each other strawberries like mama birds was fun, but all the sexual harassment, victim-blaming and groin mutilation has gotten to be too much for me. This is where I would write ‘I want a divorce’ if that was a thing women could ask for in the 18th-century, but instead, I’ll say ‘See ya when I see ya.’

End scene!

After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:

PIECE OF COAL: Sir Scam-A-Lot. You tried it. Enjoy eternal damnation!

HONORABLE MENTION: The Dude With The Terrible Wig. I feel like he has nothing in his life, so the least I can do is throw a worthless award his way.

BRONZE: Valentine. No one introverts harder. And no one is more likely to snap one day and kill his entire family.

SILVER: Horace. For not getting too mad over my Curious Georgina wandering eye.

GOLD: Morwenna and Drake. PTSD is all that stands in the way of their love (and my Drakenna / Morwennake merch line). That can be cleared up in the season finale and not take years of intense therapy, right? I’m gonna go with yes. After all they’ve endured, they deserve to spit strawberries into each other’s mouths!

Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on Poldark or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty, listen to my podcast The Cooler, or read all my other Poldark recaps below!

More recaps:

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 5 Recap: No Tears Left To Cry

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Premiere Recap: You Keep Me Hangin’ On

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Finale Recap: Look What You Made Me Do

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: I Wanna Sex You Up

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: You Give Love A Bad Name

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: The One That Got Away

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi?

‘Poldark’ Season 3 Premiere Recap: Same Old Mistakes

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 8 Recap: Man! I Feel Like A Woman!

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 7 Recap: I’m In Love With A Monster

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 5 Recap: Before He Cheats

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 3 Recap: Miss Independent

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 2 Recap: You Don’t Bring Me Flowers

‘Poldark’ Season 2, Episode 1 Recap: Court and Spark

‘Poldark’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Send My Love to Your New Lover

‘Poldark’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: Oops, There Goes My Shirt

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 7 Recap: London Calling

↧

On ‘SNL,’ Lil Wayne and Future Address Consent

November 12, 2018, 11:13 am

≫ Next: In Another Chilling Adventure, ‘Sabrina’ is Getting Sued by Satanists

≪ Previous: ‘Poldark’ Season 4 Episode 7 Recap: London Calling

It took an elaborate satire for two of hip-hop’s biggest acts to address the elephant in the room of rap.

Saturday night on SNL, musical guest Lil Wayne performed two songs from his recently released LP The Carter V. He brought out pop singer Halsey for backing vocals on “Can’t Be Broken,” and producer Swizz Beatz to perform their song “Uproar” for his second segment. But the real highlight was Wayne’s collaborative appearance, along with the rapper Future, in a skit on sexual consent.

In “Booty Kings,” SNL players Chris Redd and Kenan Thompson starred as The Booty Kings, two flamboyant rappers—”the kings of that booty music”—who rock oversize Time’s Up lapel pendants next to their glaring, gold Booty Kings chains. The skit flips mainstream rap’s penchant for misogynistic content that objectifies women by featuring the duo, along with Uncle Butt (Pete Davidson), as rappers who prioritize consent first. Far from “conscious emcees,” they’re hilariously hellbent on navigating the learning curve.

In the mock music video, The Booty Kings’ oversexed appeals to women in the club come with awkward shows of respect for the objects of their desire: “I’m on a mission for that a**, but first I need permission,” as the refrain goes. “Lights, camera, action / Video vixen / Hendrix steal yo’ girl / But only with her permission,” Future raps in a surprise appearance that parodies the popular, but played-out, conceit of rappers endlessly bragging about stealing their adversaries’ girls.

The irony, of course, is that the comedic skit is likely the closest any major rap stars have come to engaging in a conversation about consent in the year of #MeToo. An SNL spoof is about as progressive as it gets in 2018.

While major players across the spectrum of film, television, journalism and comedy have been put on time out for such alleged abuses, hip-hop and the music industry at large have gone mostly unchecked. Despite a campaign to #MuteRKelly, the R&B singer has yet to face any real consequences for the litany of sexual abuse and coercion allegations made against him, which he continues to deny. Hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons stepped away from the spotlight, and many of his businesses, after a long list of women alleged being victims of rape and of having abusive encounters with him over the years.

Meanwhile the careers of contemporary artists, including XXXTentacion, who faced felony domestic assault charges for beating his pregnant former girlfriend before he was murdered earlier this year, and Tekashi 6ix9ine, recently sentenced to four years probation for a 2015 sexual misconduct charge with a minor, have continued to thrive on the Billboard charts.

As for the music itself, the creative challenge hip-hop has yet to face is how to respect the growing culture of consent when so much misogyny is baked into commercial rap’s cake. For his sake, Lil Wayne, who’s been known for his lascivious lyrics over the years, attempts to clean up his act in the Booty Kings skit when he raps: “Respect is the game / And booty is the scrimmage / And I play good defense if that booty get offended.”

It’s not the most delicately-worded dance, but one long overdue.

↧

In Another Chilling Adventure, ‘Sabrina’ is Getting Sued by Satanists

November 12, 2018, 12:40 pm

≫ Next: ‘Poldark’ Season 4 Finale Recap: Kiss Off

≪ Previous: On ‘SNL,’ Lil Wayne and Future Address Consent

Just months after a statue of Baphomet grabbed national headlines while briefly appearing outside the Arkansas State Capitol, the winged, goat-headed creature has stepped back into the spotlight—this time, taking its starring turn in the courts.

The Satanic Temple has sued Netflix and Warner Bros. in a New York federal court, alleging that the media giants lifted and misused its distinctive icon. The organization filed a complaint Thursday saying its copyrighted statue design, known as Baphomet with Children, appeared without its permission in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, a new streaming series released on Netflix last month.

The temple claims that by doing so, the companies committed copyright infringement, violated its trademark and injured the organization’s business reputation. All told, it is demanding relief on the order of more than $150 million.

“Among other things, TST [the Satanic Temple] designed and commissioned the TST Baphomet with Children to be a central part of its efforts to promote First Amendment values of separation of church and state and equal protection,” the complaint explains. “Defendants’ prominent use of this symbol as the central focal point of the school associated with evil, cannibalism and murder blurs and tarnishes the TST Baphomet with Children as a mark of TST.”

When contacted for comment, Netflix referred NPR’s request to Warner Bros.—which, in turn, declined to offer a statement.

The Satanic Temple argument hinges largely on a side-by-side comparison of the two images. Both feature a young boy and girl gazing admiringly at the seated deity, which has two fingers raised to the sky as it stares straight ahead. What’s more, the plaintiff notes that unlike previous depictions, the Sabrina version uses “an exposed male chest, instead of exposed large voluptuous female breasts”—a characteristic the Satanic Temple claims to be its own original contribution.

Temple co-founder and spokesperson Lucien Greaves presented the two versions together in a tweet earlier this week “for purposes of comparison.”

For purposes of comparison… pic.twitter.com/AZJvmq1Cks

— Lucien Greaves (@LucienGreaves) October 30, 2018

The statue may look familiar—and not just for Sabrina viewers.

Back in August, the Satanic Temple made a national splash with its protest of a Ten Commandments monument that had been installed on Arkansas State Capitol grounds earlier in the year. The temple—and other groups, including the American Civil Liberties Union—decried the move as violating the separation of church and state.

In reaction to the Ten Commandments monument, the temple hauled out its own 7 1/2-foot statue to take up residence on the state grounds. And it held a rally to celebrate the short-lived installation.

It came down after just a handful of hours.

Now, the Satanic Temple is girding for a new fight, saying the series has twisted its publicly espoused tenets—which it says call for “compassion and empathy,” the “struggle for justice” and conforming beliefs to “one’s best scientific understanding of the world,” among other principles.

The series, on the other hand, implies “the monument stands for evil,” the complaint states. And now, the temple is demanding redress in a trial by jury.

↧

‘Poldark’ Season 4 Finale Recap: Kiss Off

November 18, 2018, 5:02 pm

≫ Next: We’ve Lost Stephen Hillenburg, But SpongeBob SquarePants Memes Will Live Forever

≪ Previous: In Another Chilling Adventure, ‘Sabrina’ is Getting Sued by Satanists

In the previous episode of Poldark, Ross murdered Demelza’s wannabe date rapist by shooting him in the groin. My calves are still aching from all the dancing I did on his grave.

Will the Poldark writers hand over the Drake and Morwenna wedding we deserve so I can keep my leg muscles toned? Only one way to find out! On with the show!

Tarot Card Agatha is celebrating her birthda…. wait, what the hell is going on?! She’s supposed to be dead! Francis (a.k.a. Backstabber Cousin) is there too, despite being murdered by a puddle a while ago. You remember:

Is this purgatory?! Alas, no, it’s just a flashback to 1780. All the boys have longer hair and Elizabeth has yet to betray Ross by boo-ing up with his cousin while he’s trying to survive a war.

Agatha tells everyone she’s going to outlive them all (a prophecy I’d gladly get behind). For a seer, she really sucks at predicting the future. Blame the port, I guess.

A bewigged, fashionably late Ross arrives and makes an announcement:

Hey, ladies and germs! I just enlisted to check out that little scuffle over in America. I think it’ll be pretty chill. Six months tops! Definitely not an eight-year-long bloodbath! And there’s probably no chance that I’ll have to watch all my friends die, get a huge scar on the side of my face and get unceremoniously dumped by my girlfriend while I’m away!

Speak of the devil, Elizabeth waltzes in and drools all over Ross. Francis looks on like a weirdo:

It’s like he’s an extra-terrestrial trying out this smiling thing for the first time. Awkward face muscles aside, can we take a moment to appreciate how into hand kisses Agatha is in the background? Such a legend! The show hasn’t been the same without her and her cute, prolonged farts.

#PoldarkPBS pic.twitter.com/AE37T5XsrS

— Emmanuel Hapsis (@xcusemybeauty) October 8, 2017

Agatha pulls a card while staring at Elizabeth. “She’ll break a few hearts and bear beautiful children.” True on the first count. Might want to check again on the second. No offense, but I would not call Duke of Puking in Random Corners Geoffrey Charles beautiful. And the jury’s still out on Malfoy’s gestating spawn.

Verity, perpetually the accidental sh*t-stirrer, asks, “But who will be their father?” Francis shares a look with Malfoy and ventures a guess: “Well, not us, at any rate. It’s always been Ross. It will always be Ross.”

Wrong again! The answer we were looking for is: She will have a kid with each of you in the messiest Jerry Springer way possible.

Boom! We’re back in 1799! Thanks to drunk ass Geoffrey Charles blurting out how obvious it is that Valentine is Ross’ kid, Elizabeth needs to re-convince Malfoy that the only reason Valentine was born suspiciously early is because premature babies are her thing. Under a pseudonym, she seeks the help of a shady doctor, who gives her a Premie Potion. A spoonful will make that baby pop right on out. Sounds totally safe! Good luck with that.

Across town, little-eared Horace (and Blondie) convince Ross to return to Cornwall with them so that he can apologize to Demelza for all the victim-blaming and groin-shooting he got up to last episode.

On the carriage ride, a worried Horace (and Blondie) look on as Ross relives the duel drama in a daydream.

But this time, instead of Sir Scam-A-Lot, he shoots Prison Bestie! Give it a rest, Ross! The poor horny poet is long dead! So he had sand-dune sex with your wife! It happens! Get over it in the same way you expected Demelza to get over your own infidelity (not to mention, your love child)!

In Cornwall, Drake visits the cave he and Morwenna used to make out in and makes a wish.

Are you there, God? It’s me, ~~Margaret~~ Drake, Sam’s brother… you know, the guy who’s so obsessed with you that you had to get a restraining order against him. Yeah, him! Anyway, could you cure Morwenna’s PTSD so we can know something other than misery? Also, while I’m asking for things, could you inspire these haters to stop trying to murder me and burn down my barns? Thanks in advance! TTYL!

All of a sudden, a whimper echoes around the make-out cave. It’s Morwenna! And she’s running away from Drake because that’s her thing now (it’s important to cultivate a personal brand).

Drake eventually catches up with her on a cliff’s edge, the second most popular place to have really emotional and dramatic conversations (#1 is obviously beside crashing waves).

Drake: “Morwenna! I made a wish! The same wish.”

Morwenna: “It will never be granted! I told you why!”

Drake: “And yet, do ye not think there not be more to life than carnal love? Just being together? Seeing together? All that’s good and pure and rare and beautiful in the world? The glow of corn and the smell of spring? Summer rain? Autumn wind? Watching you wake, watching you sleep? Oh, my love, what is life if ye live it alone? Marry me. Be my wife. In name only. I’ll never ask ye for more. Do ye not love me?”

Morwenna: “Of course I love you. This has never been just about love.”

Drake: “But it has. And can only ever be. Will ye walk with me?”

And then she does!

Drake and Morwenna find Demelza and tell her they plan to wed!

Merch line is back on! It’s finally happening!!!

On the opposite end of the happiness spectrum, Malfoy, Elizabeth and Valentine are sharing a miserable carriage ride back to Cornwall. Valentine asks for a horse (so relatable). Malfoy glares at Valentine (now Ross Jr. in his eyes) and gives him the silent treatment. A totally normal thing for an adult man to do. Babies and grown-ups alike drop dead like flies pretty much every episode. Why isn’t it ever Malfoy’s turn??

The following day, Elizabeth hears of Morwenna’s attempt at finally being happy and rushes over to make her feel bad about it.

Elizabeth: “But your child! How could you bring yourself to leave him?”

Morwenna: “He was taken from me, as much was taken from me.”

Elizabeth remembers, Ohhhh yeah, I totally forgot about selling my own cousin into an abusive marriage against her will and about how she was raped a bunch and then almost committed to an insane asylum!

If only there was a tutorial out there that could help bad people stay on top of their evil deeds.

Since involving herself in Morwenna’s last marriage turned out so great, Elizabeth tries to convince Morwenna to get married at Malfoy’s house. It makes perfect sense for Drake to get hitched in the home of the man who’s been continuously trying to have him killed for the past several years.

Morwenna gives Elizabeth an are-you-fing-kidding-me look and doesn’t say anything for a while. I’m guessing Morwenna is taking the time to weigh the pros and cons of grabbing a candlestick and thwacking her no-good cousin over the head with it. Instead, Morwenna swallows all of Elizabeth’s BS and gets manipulated into walking her all the way home. I preferred the death-by-Lumiere option, but that’s just me.

When they get there, Elizabeth pressures Morwenna to come inside. Is Liz going to trap Morwenna in a bunker for a decade, after which Morwenna will be rescued, move to New York City and star in a silly Netflix series about reacclimating to a brave new world?

I would watch.

Against her better judgment, Morwenna stays for dinner, only to have Malfoy come home in a terrible mood. Since Geoffrey Charles already burst into the room and blurted out pot-stirring info last episode, this time it’s Valentine’s turn. Fake papa, did you know Morwenna is getting married?!

Malfoy asks a maid to take “that child” away and doesn’t waste any time calling Morwenna a trollop and throwing her out of the house. Elizabeth is too busy acting surprised to stop any of it. Drop the act, sister! It’s tired! Your husband is evil! And you are complicit! Accept it!

By this point, word has gotten around that Elizabeth cousin-napped Morwenna, so Ross gallops off to rescue her. She’s gone by the time he arrives, but that doesn’t stop Malfoy from calling Ross inside because he lives for the drama and shouting about what a “dim-witted trull” Morwenna is. Again, Elizabeth acts surprised by how evil Malfoy is. She’s giving me a headache!!!

Then Malfoy threatens to shoot Ross on the spot if he comes over ever again. Is Lil Malfoy that small? The insecurity! Geez!

The last time these two were together, Malfoy used Ross’ face as a coin slot, and now this? Ross has HAD IT.

Ross lays it all out: Dude, you live in my family home, you stole my mine, you tried forcing me into bankruptcy, you encouraged a scammer to try date raping my wife and you married the ex I will never get over. And all because I put a frog in your pants two decades ago?! What more do you want?? Why isn’t all this enough?!

Malfoy responds by throwing yet another Veruca Salt-sized temper tantrum. Maid, can you take this child away too? Thank you next.

Because this show never tires of torturing Morwenna, Malfoy’s Slytherin cronies are chasing her through the woods with rabid dogs. Enough! Let this girl be happy!

Just as the Slytherin cronies have Morwenna pinned against a tree, Drake appears, wielding a huge stick that says, NOT TODAY, SATAN! For some reason, the Slytherin cronies back down. I would have preferred some skull-cracking, but this works too.

Back at the manor, Malfoy and Elizabeth fight over Valentine some more. Malfoy says he knows Valentine’s not really his son because of what Agatha told him after he canceled her 100th birthday party just to be a prick.

Such an iconic moment! Almost as iconic as…

Elizabeth continues to deny it all. And the Oscar for Best Actress in a Hell of Her Own Making goes to…

Elizabeth stomps off to her bedroom, where she takes the Premie Potion. Moments later, Malfoy finds her passed out on the ground. We don’t get to see her faint this time, but it’s safe to assume it was bobble-head-ish.

Across town, Horace is posing for a Playpup centerfold.

Hair, body, face; triple threat! Those curves! Those gams! So bodacious!

Doc is summoned to Elizabeth’s bedside, where she is being as obvious as possible: Wow! It’s just like last time! Another premie! What a coincidink! I don’t cheat; I just have an inhospitable womb! See? Valentine is your baby (if you squint a lot and ignore all the other obvious signs)! Malfoy buys it cause he’s an idiot.

Elizabeth gives birth to a baby girl and names her Urusla because being a Disney villain runs in this family. Malfoy vows to be a better human being and stop treating Valentine like trash. Also, he announces that he found a shady way to force the Prime Minister to recommend him for a knighthood. How nice.

Ross and Demelza are back on speaking / sexy terms, but not all is forgiven just yet. Spitting strawberries into each other’s mouths is still off the menu.

Because he just can’t help himself, Ross brings up Prison Bestie AGAIN (for those keeping track at home, the season total is now at 943). Get a grip, Ross! The poetry wasn’t that good! And sand dune sex isn’t all it’s cracked out to be. Two words: gritty undercarriages.

The next morning, Elizabeth wakes up with intense cramps. She asks Malfoy, “Why is it so dark? I’m afraid of the dark!” Thumper’s mom has advised me not to comment on this.

Having heard that Elizabeth is ill, Ross rushes over and is promptly denied at the door on Malfoy’s order. Ross breaks in anyway and implores Malfoy to quit being such a little sh*t. That’s when Malfoy very flippantly announces: Oh, by the way, Elizabeth is totally dead.

Ross hurries to her bedroom and finds that it’s true. He kisses her one final time.

Anyone who is a dedicated reader of these recaps knows I do not care for Elizabeth. Just cause she’s dead now doesn’t erase all the terrible stuff she’s done. Not gonna get any real tears from me.

Okay, fine, I’ll admit that Valentine grabbing hold of Malfoy’s hand while looking at his dead mother did put me in my feeling just a wee bit, but it’s time to snap out of it ’cause we are being graced with the last Horace scene of the season!

I know there are more serious issues at hand right now, but can someone please let Horace down? (Watch the bottom left corner.)

Jumping off of furniture is beneath someone of his social standing!

At a cliff’s edge, Ross tells Demelza that Elizabeth is dead. She acts concerned, but we all know what’s she’s really thinking:

Moral of the story: if you and your hot husband cheat on each other, both of your affair partners will end up dead in no time. Adultery kills!

It’s time for the season’s final fireplace couple’s therapy session. Ross brings up Prison Bestie yet again (updated count: 944) and Demelza does her best to put his jealousy to bed: “Prison Bestie did touch my heart ~~and a few other things~~, but only you have ever owned it.” Aw, that’s nice. Prudie, fetch the strawberries! We’ve got some sexy baby bird feeding to do!

Because I would revolt without it, the writers FINALLY LET DRAKE AND MORWENNA GET MARRIED!!!!!!!

And not a moment too soon! I can finally exhale now.

While everyone celebrates mere feet away, Malfoy stares at Elizabeth’s grave while plotting another season worth of evil shenanigans. But I’m not going to worry about any of that now. I’ve got better things to do, mainly putting on my official Morwennake one-piece bathing suit and then giving myself a manicure using the official Drakenna nail clipper, while sipping tea out of the official Morwennake tea set, before going to bed wrapped in the official Drakenna comforter.

End scene!

After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:

PIECE OF COAL: Elizabeth. I could pretend that I care that she’s dead, but y’all would know I was faking. I have two parting messages for Elizabeth. The first: TTYN. And the last:

HONORABLE MENTION: Prison Bestie. Even in death, he and his horny poetry continued to define this season. As Beyonce says, “You know you that b*tch when you cause all this conversation.”

BRONZE: Drake and Morwenna. Neither of them died, despite everyone’s best efforts! Huzzah! And the future of my Drakenna / Morwennake merch line looks bright! Refrigerators, toilet plungers, neck tattoos. Sky’s the limit!

SILVER: Agatha. She was in the episode for approximately 42 seconds, but 42 seconds of Agatha is greater than 42 minutes of most of these other characters. A true legend. I hope there’s a lot of port in heaven.

GOLD: Horace. Scene-stealer. Heart-breaker. The only character worthy of a knighthood.

That’s all, folks! It’s been a pleasure watching along with you this season. Until next year (or until my Victoria recaps start back up again in January, if you’re into that sort of thing)!

If you miss my thoughts on Poldark or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty, listen to my podcast The Cooler, or read all my other Poldark recaps below!

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